We don’t watch football in our household and when this weekend’s excitement from both the North Dakota State Bison and the Vikings reached a fever pitch, I felt a bit left out.
To scratch the itch to watch something epic, we instead watched “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy. To be able to internalize the grief that my friends and neighbors were feeling after the (horrible) kick to end Sunday’s wild card game, I resorted to similarly weenie-ish tactics and asked them on Facebook to describe it in a Star Wars metaphor.
The response was no moon. It was a space station. Here are a few of them:
“Stay on target!” We didn’t stay on target. “Use the force, Luke.” We didn’t use the force. “If there’s a bright center to the universe, you’re on the planet that it’s farthest from.” The Vikings are on that planet. “Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder!” We lost to the nerf-herder. “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.” Blair Walsh, Vikings Kicker, is Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan saves Princess Leia, but as they’re making their escape, in a freak accident, his light saber accidentally engages in his pocket and kills her. – Michael J.
Do or not do. There is no try. – Helmut S.
I’m not a fan of the Vikings (Hail to the Chiefs!), but I know a lot of the statistical stuff of football to give an apt comparison. Remember how in Empire they had to navigate that asteroid field and Theepio gave the odds (3720 to 1) and they do it anyways?
The Vikings faced almost the mirror opposite situation. A very high probability situation to win the game…that they then fucked up.
Imagine if Han, Leia, Chewie, and Threepio died in that asteroid field. Lots and lots of sadness.
You’re seeing that happen right now, I suppose, on FB. – Chris M.
“Evacuate? In our moment of triumph?” – Thom C.
Blair Walsh couldn’t bullseye womp rats from a T-16 and he now has a death sentence on 12 systems. – Darin G.
You know when Luke blows up the Death Star? Try to imagine the exhaust shaft being 50 feet wide, but Luke still misses, even with the Force. It was basically that. – Aaron W.
I apologize for these in advance. That kick went in alderaan directions… Or… The kicker made a wookie mistake. – Bobby D.
And I thought they smelled bad on the outside. – Beau B.
Tough loss, Vikings fans. Maybe next year will bring a new hope.